Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Posted by Erin Posted on 10:24 AM | 1 comment

Not Mint to Be

Hello, Hello Toothpaste.

We met the other day at CVS. You were so cute in your pink and white get up. It is very flattering on you. You made a lot of promises about yourself that day: You are 99% natural, fight cavities, strengthen tooth enamel, and whiten my coffee-addict teeth. It all sounded so delightful. There was one bit of information you shared that I was not so sure about. It was that little bit that caused me to hesitate and wonder if I'd miss my longstanding relationship with Crest. But you caught me in the morning hours when my brain has not quite awoken to the world. Therefore, my risk assessing filters were not working properly. So, I threw caution to the wind and you and I left together.

Now, I will say, my teeth feel better after spending time with you. Maybe it's the natural ingredients or your peppy persona. Either way, my pearly whites love the way you make them feel. My taste buds however...They are not so impressed. In fact, they have scolded me greatly for making such a silly mistake. Here is what they have asked me to pass onto you:

"Hello, what were you thinking?! Mint is a delicate flavor not to be tossed willy-nilly into just any ol' batch of whatever flavors you may have leftover in the factory. Mint goes deliciously with vanilla and chocolate.  Mint with cucumber is even palatable. But, pink grapefruit? No. No. No. Grapefruit and mint should be kept far from one another. They are a volatile combination. The resulting flavor is something akin to NyQuil. That is right...nasty taste bud assaulting NyQuil. This oversight is extremely serious. In the future, please make wiser choices about the arranging of flavor marriages. You are responsible for creating beautiful relationships that will bless teeth and taste buds everywhere. From henceforht, I must insist that you refrain from sending such contradictory couples out into the dental universe."

I have done my duty and passed on the message. I know it seems harsh, but my taste buds do have a point. Pink Grapefruit Mint toothpaste should not exist. But, don't let this one thing get you down. It's just a bit of constructive criticism. Remember, you are super cute and my teeth love you.

Don't shoot the messenger,