Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Posted by Erin Posted on 3:58 PM | 2 comments

Becoming a Truth-walker

First of all, I feel compelled to clarify my last post a little bit. I think it may have come across to some that I believe if a job is not what I want to do, if it is hard, that I don't think I am supposed to be doing it. That is not at all what I mean. What I mean to communicate is that the place where faith and logic come together is lost on me. I do not plan to avoid jobs simply because they are difficult or boring or uncomfortable or whatever terrible adjective we should use. I know that even what I feel called to do, in my case being young-women's ministry, will be very difficult and sometimes boring, and most often uncomfortable. Every job is all of those things at one point or another. So, it's not an avoidance that is my issue. It is instead trying to figure out where I need to be for now, and the balance of action and waiting. Moments when I begin to ravenously search for a job usually occur because I am in a place of not trusting. I am thinking, "Well, I need income and You are not providing it God, so I will just have to take things into my own hands and go find a job myself." Regardless of the fact that faith also requires action, in those moments, my action is sinful because it is doubting God's promises and character. So there you have it. Hopefully that clears things up.

As for this Truth-walker business. As I am sure you have realized through conversations and posts, I have been struggling to walk in faith. I know things in my head but have trouble living out those truths. I have had several days, and more and more as this season continues, where I become consumed by my circumstances and emotions. I have a tendency to walk in the "truth" of what I can see and feel.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, as we split into our prayer groups at GS practice, Roger encouraged us to pray according to the Truth that we are victorious. Our group sort of forgot to do that I guess. But as I left and went about the rest of the night I continued to think about that. About praying over our circumstances as though we are already victorious...because we are. So I thought about that all week. I am unemployed, but I am victorious. I live with my parents, but I am victorious. My life looks nothing like how I thought it would...or how I think it should, but I am victorious. Then, as I discussed with a friend some struggles that she was facing, and sharing my own struggles, the Lord brought to mind an illustration. If you know me at all, you know that I am a total illustration person. I always have an illustration for everything. I can't help it.

Here is the illustration that came to mind...I have these three note cards in my head. Written on one is my circumstances. On another is my feelings...how I feel about life. And written on the third is Truth. They are stacked on top of each other and which ever is on top is what I see first and what I am walking in. It affects how I see the other two. Usually, the circumstance or feelings card is on top. So I usually live from there, seeing mostly my circumstances or emotion and then truth is an afterthought. The last couple of weeks though, I have switched the cards around in my head so that the first card I see is Truth. I see who God is and who I am in Christ and that affects the way I view my circumstances and feelings. I can walk in Truth. Truth really can be what we see first. As another friend put it, this illustration is just the living out of taking every thought captive. There are certainly times when the cards get mixed up and I see one of the other cards first. In those moments, I have to consciously switch my cards around and put them in the right order. I have to be deliberate in how I am thinking.

It is amazing how much more alive I have felt these last couple of weeks. I have taken initiative in somethings and just enjoyed life in general. I've become a Truth-Walker. It will be a daily challenge, I know. But I have a mental image to help me.


Liz said...

hey erin!
thanks for reading my blog!
my kids have really enjoyed you coming over to play!
(and i've greatly appreciated your help too)
we'll see you soon!

Liz said...

erin...one more thing...will you email me? i don't have your email and i need to get your schedule for this weekend.
(i have your cell, but its too late to call!)