Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Posted by Erin Posted on 11:31 PM | No comments

Becoming Transparent

Today was so good.

I suppose I should catch you up (you, being the imaginary people that read this since I am fairly positive no actual people do). I am now working part time at REI. It is not my dream job by any means. However, I am glad to be there. They treat their employees so well and I have a feeling that being in that culture will bring out the adventurer in me that has been screaming to get out for years. So, I am glad to have income and something to do. Work is good. Work was given to us before the Fall...before we messed up. Work is good for us. The frustrations with work...the little fruit from work is what we have to deal with as a result of our innate sin.

I have also been getting involved at church. I have been going to class events and volunteering in the singles department. I am also going to join the Sunday morning praise team. I absolutely love my class! First of all there are a ton of Aggies so it can't be too bad right? The teaching is fabulous. Steve (the teacher), has been really drawing things out of us. He is very conversational in his teaching and has us talk amongst our table about whatever question he presents. He also presents questions to the class as a whole and waits for answers.

Last Sunday, he asked, "Who is it that you need to forgive?" *pin drop*

It was silent. I think we are so used to rhetorical questions in church. I mean, that is an extremely personal question. Who do i need to forgive? If I tell you that, you are going to know my areas of pride. You will see my pettiness. You will think I am weak and silly.

Steve just waited. He actually expected us to answer. He wasn't offering that question for us to ponder until the next Sunday. He wanted us to tell the entire class...the other 36 people in the room what our forgiveness issues are. He finally said, "If you can't be honset here, where will you be?"

A voice spoke up from one side of the room, "My parents. I come from a broken home. I'm angry about the divorce."

Another girl from the back said, "A customer that came in to my workplace and falsely reported me to my manager. He just made it up because he was flirting and I wasn't flirting back. And he had his son with him. He is teaching that to his son. I need to let that go but it's hard."

I finally said, "People from high school. Ugh, I hate that. It breaks my heart that I am so bitter about things that happened. I need to forgive people that for the most part have no idea that I was hurt by unintentional words or by being ignored or whatever."

A couple more people spoke up. It was beautiful. Honesty. In the church. I think people are afraid to honest. It's dangerous. What if you spill your guts to someone and then they don't help you, they tell someone else, or they blow it off like it's not a big deal? Yeah. It's dangerous. I've been hurt before because i've been honest. Because I have asked for help and not received it. But if we are all waiting around for other people to prove themselves to be trustworthy, then we will all be waiting forever...holding all our junk inside, pretending we have it all together. So, I have decided. No more waiting. When it is appropriate, I will be honest. Is it always appropriate? No. I have had to learn that too. But honesty is needed and someone has to get the ball rolling.

I am learning to be transparent. On Sunday is was about forgiveness. At REI it is about my faith. I am so out of practice when it comes to being a Christian among the lost. That is so sad but it's true. At A&M it was easy to just sink into the Church. Everywhere I turned I was surrounded by believers, at work, at home, at church, in the neighborhood... That is not the case here. Now, I am not the only Christian at work, but I know of far more co-workers that are not than ones that are. So, I am having to consciously make statements in love and about faith. Have I shared the gospel yet? Well, no. It's not time for that yet. Right now I need to love my co-workers. I need to show them that I am trustworthy and fun and that I care about them. So I am learning to e transparent about my priorities at work.

And on that note I am going to start a second post about thankfulness.