A little over a year ago, there was this guy (the beginning of so many stories). I did not know much about him, but I knew that he was mysterious and I was intrigued. Not head over heels, just curious. Then, just a few weeks into this new found curiousity, a friend informed me that Mr. Mysterious had asked her to coffee.
UGH! NO!
I was honestly shocked by the jealousy and hurt that arose in me. After all, I had only known this guy for a few weeks and knew very little about him. I was not even sure I wanted to actually explore a relationship. But yet, I was so hurt that he had chosen her. My friend. I was not upset with her. How could I be? It is not that I did not want her to be chosen, I just didn't want her or anyone else to be chosen over me. In my mind, I was devalued because of his choice. How is that for prime-time drama?
For the first time, I reached a place where I was forced to be honest with myself and admit that my reaction was absurd. I began to pray through the response of my heart and talk through it a bit with the "chosen" friend. She and I began to share our stories and I was sharing my story with a couple of other friends at the time as well. As I was telling and re-telling the story of my life, I began to see a pattern. And the cry of my heart was painfully obvious. "Choose me!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*This post is adapted from my journal entries from 2009
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Questions for today:
1. Have you ever had a moment when the reaction of your heart was shocking even to you?
2. Have you told your story to anyone lately?
3. Have you noticed any patterns in your story?
I would love for us to answer these questions in the comment section. If you feel like you need to, you can always comment anonymously.
Happy Journey!
Erin
UGH! NO!
I was honestly shocked by the jealousy and hurt that arose in me. After all, I had only known this guy for a few weeks and knew very little about him. I was not even sure I wanted to actually explore a relationship. But yet, I was so hurt that he had chosen her. My friend. I was not upset with her. How could I be? It is not that I did not want her to be chosen, I just didn't want her or anyone else to be chosen over me. In my mind, I was devalued because of his choice. How is that for prime-time drama?
For the first time, I reached a place where I was forced to be honest with myself and admit that my reaction was absurd. I began to pray through the response of my heart and talk through it a bit with the "chosen" friend. She and I began to share our stories and I was sharing my story with a couple of other friends at the time as well. As I was telling and re-telling the story of my life, I began to see a pattern. And the cry of my heart was painfully obvious. "Choose me!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*This post is adapted from my journal entries from 2009
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Questions for today:
1. Have you ever had a moment when the reaction of your heart was shocking even to you?
2. Have you told your story to anyone lately?
3. Have you noticed any patterns in your story?
I would love for us to answer these questions in the comment section. If you feel like you need to, you can always comment anonymously.
Happy Journey!
Erin
4 comments:
First of all, thank you for being so transparent Erin! I so admire you for that!
I have had a moment when my reaction was just shocking to me. Many moments. Most of them have to do with my marriage and the fact that I can bicker a lot towards John. I have to step back and realize that that is not the kind of wife I promised him I would be.
Thanks for this!
Jessica,
Thanks for sharing. I am sure marriage provides many opportunities to see the things in us that we have not handed over to the Lord. It is so good for all of us to take a step back and examine our behavior and what in our hearts is the root of that behavior. We should probably do that much more often than we do.
Girl, this has been such a great series on your blog! So proud of you for getting it going. So excited to see what the Lord CONTINUES to do in you.
So to answer your questions...
Um, yes. Unfortunately. I can't believe how jealous I can be. How, just like you shared, for myself I am above others. Not that I don't want them to have great things happen around them... but I want it too and get so jealous. It's really ugly.
Thankful to have girlfriends and Chris that I can trust and be honest with about this. That challenge me (and rebuke me) when that ugliness comes out.
Patterns? Unfortunately the pattern is that there is a pattern. Which means it keeps coming up. Which is frustrating to say the least.
Love you
Becky,
Thanks for the feedback. I am totally with you on the struggle to rejoice honestly with others without getting tangled up in the "What about me's". It is an on-going battle to trust the Lord's timing.
Post a Comment