Chosen Series: Part 9

Yes. What a glorious truth that Peter and you and I are chosen by the God of the universe. He doesn't ask us to get it together first or even wait for us to ask to be chosen. He just chooses us and loves us.

This is maybe one of my favorite lessons that I have gained from Peter's life, that the very thing that appears to be his character flaw, once he comes alive in the reality that he is wanted by Christ, becomes the very thing that is most useful to the Kingdom of God. What do I mean? Well, I'm glad you asked.

A couple of years ago, I was preparing to go to India with a team of amazing people from Houston. We were serving with a ministry called As Our Own and we would be teaching girls about the life of Peter. I was set to teach the last day on the topic of Peter and the Holy Spirit...in a 40 minute lesson...which was really a 20 minute lesson because of the need for translation. No big deal right? Well, I was a little terrified about boiling all of Peter and the Holy Spirit down so much into a relevant, short lesson for little girls who didn't speak English. But, as I prepared, the Holy Spirit was up to something that would change me, and hopefully those sweet girls forever. Before my lesson, other team members had taught on Peter's name change, on his experience with walking on water, and about the time he cut off a guard's ear and told Jesus, "No!". And as I studied those stories along with the rest of Peter's life, I saw a common theme: boldness. The man was bold. And after being filled with the Spirit, after the moment on the beach when he realized he was chosen despite his character flaws, he was still bold. So what was different? Peter's personality didn't change. He was bold from the start.

Attempting to walk on water? Bold. Cutting off a dude's ear? Bold. Telling Jesus, "No." Bold. Stupid. Messy. Selfish. But, without a doubt, bold. But then....then Jesus died. And rose. Conquered death. And Jesus sent the Holy Spirit. His disciples all together, waiting. Suddenly met with the roar of a tornado and fireballs that looked like tongues. Woah. That is bound to change things. So what happened next. The disciples stood and began to speak in other languages. And as the crowd ridiculed them calling them drunk, Peter, true to form, did something bold. Only this time, he didn't lunge at the crown threatening to cut off ears or noses or tongues. He did curse at them or fight them. He began to speak over the noise of the crowd. Not hurling defensive remarks, but silencing the mockers with truth. Peter preached. He spoke boldly of Christ and fulfilled prophecy. And as a result of his boldness, 3,000 people became believers that day.

Bold before. Bold after. Only, before, Peter's boldness was selfish, messy, stupid. Then the Holy Spirit came and filled Peter. And that same boldness that had caused so many injuries to himself and to others, became useful for the Kingdom. It was a boldness that healed. A boldness that shined with eternal purpose. God had created Peter with a boldness from the beginning. As He knit Peter together in His mother's womb, God intricately wove a tight-knit, scratchy burlap fabric of humanity and called it Peter. And then God put of flesh of His own and came to earth and as He, Jesus, began His ministry, He called this burlap Peter to join Him. And Jesus patiently pointed out the ignorance and selfishness of Peter's boldness over and over. And then, Jesus conquered death, saving Peter from his selfishness and redeeming Peter's boldness. Jesus left so He could send the Helper, who could fill Peter from the depths of his soul and turn the boldness from self-centered to Kingdom centered.

You and I have it to. That personality trait that feels so very much like a flaw. It seems to only cause injury to ourselves. To others. And we are assured it is in fact a flaw because others have told us as much. Perhaps you are too loud. Too hyper. Too shy. Too trusting. Too much something. For me, it is my sensitivity. I cry. Oceans. I feel. Deeply. I am wounded easily. The pain of injustice rips through me like a hurricane. I was told more than once as a child that I was too sensitive, that the things that bothered me shouldn't. I was told to suck it up. Be tougher. Don't cry so much. And I was praised when I "got over it" so quickly. I learned to cry for a little and then move on like nothing was wrong. I learned to hate my sensitivity. To see it as a horrendous flaw. And then, in His grace, God sent me to India and gave me the task of teaching on Peter and the Holy Spirit. And in His grace, He unraveled some of the mystery of scripture for me. And I saw it. The truth about the sensitivity I'd been born with. It was given to me on purpose. It was not a horrifying blemish. It was a beauty mark given to me for the glory of God. When I am walking in my flesh, that sensitive spirit is gross. It is selfish. Injustices against me...my laws set it off. I cry over my hurt feeling, over not getting my own way. It's messy, like Peter's boldness. But...when I walking in the Spirit...filled from the depths by the Helper, that same sensitivity has Kingdom-purpose. My heart breaks over the wrongs done to others. I cry over the things that wound the heart of God. I am compassionate toward the hurting. I don't believe God ever intended for me to "get over" injustices. I don't think he wants me to cry for a little and move on like I never felt the sting of wrong-doing. Quite the opposite.

Genesis 1:27 tells us that we all were created in the image of God. I don't pretend to understand the fullness of what that means. But, I believe that part of it is that in each of us, God has placed a tiny drop of His own personality. Apart from Him, we use it to build our Babel. Our tower of self worth that never stands once the winds come. But when we allow Him to envelope us, that trait causes the world to see Him. We move from being a one-man failing construction crew to being a part of a Kingdom. All building together...building a city that cannot be shaken. And when your "flaws" become your "faith", you find a joy and a freedom like you've never known.

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Questions for today:
1. What is your "boldness"?
2. Have you believed the lies that your personality is a flaw?
3. What do you think that flaw would look like when it is redeemed and filled by the Holy Spirit?

Happy Journey!
Erin

Chosen Series: Part 8

We left Peter broken down and crying under the weight of his betrayal. There was no undoing that and there was no forgetting the eye contact with Jesus in that moment, hanging on the cross, dying, and now betrayed by the ones closest to Him...

So Peter, having taken up the chains of shame, slinks off back to the familiar.

In her TED talk, "The Power of Vulnerability", Brene Brown says that "shame is the fear of disconnection." How true that is. Peter, as I have been at times, must have been so overcome with the fear of having destroyed the relationship he'd had with Jesus. That is what we fear in the aftermath of our mistakes, isn't it? That we cannot restore what we've broken? That the people who see our worst can never love us the same as they did when we kept that mess hidden? I would imagine that Peter believed that there was no way he could be the rock that Jesus had said he was. How could he loose anything from the chains of darkness when he couldn't even keep a promise for a few hours? How could the church be built by someone that is so foolish and who bends so easily to fear and pressure? Whatever future he was meant to have, he just destroyed with 4 little words. "I don't know Him!"

So what else could he do? He had no choice but to go back to fishing. Oh, he still hung around with the disciples, as we know from John 20. He was with them when Mary Magdalene came to tell them that Jesus' body was gone. He even went to see for himself.  John says the Peter and the other disciple believed that Jesus' body had been stolen. They believed and then went to their homes. There is no mention of Peter returning to the upper room with the others after that moment. The next time we see him, Peter is fishing. For fish. And Mark says the Angel that told the women to go back to share the news about Jesus' resurrection, said to tell "the disciples and Peter". Was Peter not with the disciples? Did he just need a specific word? I don't know. Nonetheless, Peter went back to what he comfortably succeed or fail in. There were so many factors that could mean success or failure as a fisherman. Maybe the equipment failed. Perhaps the weather was bad that day. But in this, following Jesus, what could he blame his failure on? Who but himself was there to take the fall for things not working out? Perhaps that is what Peter was thinking. "I will never get it right."

So here he is, drifting off into the sea of shame, casting his nets hoping for a good day so he can feel successful at least for a moment. And maybe in the silence of the waiting, Peter is replaying his failure, trying to figure out where he lost it and how to make it right. And the maybe the others with him (Thomas, Nathaniel, James and John, and two other disciples) were trying to build him up the way we so often do with each other when we've screwed up. "Man, don't worry about." "We all said dumb things." "It was a hard day, you weren't thinking right." "It's fine." "You're fine." I don't know about yall, but I hate that response to my sin. It's sin, yall! It's wrong! It's a slap in the face of God! It's not fine. It's inexcusable. Maybe that's what Peter wanted to say. Maybe he was opening his mouth to tell James and John to shut-up about it, when they heard a man call from the shore. "Children, do you have any fish?" "No? Then cast your nets on the right side of your boat and you will find them." Ta-Da! Fish! John recognized the man first. He turned to Peter and informed him, "Dude, that's Jesus!" For some reason, that makes me think Peter was sulking at the end of the boat. It just seems like he wasn't even paying attention to the miracle that was happening quite literally in his lap. But when he hears that Jesus is on the shore, he puts his outer robe back on and jumps overboard to swim to sea. Was that faster? Maybe, since the boat was full of fish, but it still seems a bit crazy. The hope of restoration, even though brief at times, can make a person do crazy things. I mean, John even points out how silly it seemed. He tells us they were only about 100 feet from shore and the other disciples just came in the boat. John likes to point out Peter's crazy moments.

Jesus tells the men to bring fish and it seems, almost as if to make up for his mistake, Peter hops to it with as much urgency as when he cut off the soldier's ear. And as Peter is dragging the net full of fish over to Jesus, there is an invitation to stop striving. "Come, have breakfast," Jesus offered. He broke bread as He had done so many times to provide, for the masses, for the world, and now for the shamed. There is no indication of a conversation during the meal. Were they all just watching Jesus eat, wondering why He had come? Awkward silence. I am sure they loved it as much as you and I do. And to make the moment even better, the silence was broken, not by a sermon to the crowd, but by a question to the denier, "Simon, Son of John, do you love me more than these?" Notice that Jesus did not call the man Peter, but Simon, his old name. Perhaps a reminder of where he'd come from. Or maybe a little conviction..."Stop trying to run from what I have made you to be. You are acting like Simon...a man who ceased to exist when I spoke a new future over you...Peter." "Simon, do you love me?"

I can't imagine the sting in this question. How long did Peter have to catch his breath before he could answer. "Yes, I love you." Three times this happened. Three denials, three opportunities to tell Jesus face to face that he loved Him. And Jesus shared with Peter a glimpse of the future, that he would share in the likeness of Christ in his death. Death by crucifixion. And Peter, a little frightened by the weight of this revelation, and probably still fighting shame and the fear of being unworthy of Jesus, looks back at John and asks, "What about him?" And Jesus' response? "You don't worry about what will happen to him. I have chosen YOU for this. Peter. Rock."

What hope! What magnificent hope! Jesus never asked Peter if he was sorry or how he would prove his regret. No, the relationship that had been destroyed, as Peter had imagined,  was in fact, as whole as before. Jesus still wanted Peter to be part of His kingdom. Jesus still wanted Peter to represent Him to the world. Jesus was still, always, daily and eternally, CHOOSING Peter...failures and all.

Can you imagine that kind of hope? To know that regardless of how grand a screw up you can be, that there is one who, without even asking you to make up for the messes, chooses you. Chooses to love you, to invite you to be a part of their life. You don't have to just imagine, you know? It's real. Let's receive this. (Erin...receive it.) The God of the universe has chosen you.

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Questions for today:
1. Have you been drifting off in the sea of shame with Peter and his empty fishing boat?
2. Has Jesus perhaps been trying to get your attention, calling from the shore? How?
3. Have you had breakfast with the one who has chosen you? Have you let His word wash over you? Have you received the truth that YOU are CHOSEN? If not, what is keeping you from doing that?

Happy Journey!
Erin

It's Here

Somebody get me a 13.1 bumper sticker! Friends, it is real. This time tomorrow I will be running the Dallas Rock n Roll half marathon. I am excited. I am nervous. I am in denial that it is already time. My friends and I are about to jump in the car and drive to Dallas where we will pick up our race packets, go meet with As Our Own staff and other runners, have dinner with BCF runners, and then check into the hotel for a few hours of sleep (hopefully) before waking up eeeeeeeeearly to run 13.1 miles.

It will be hard. I will be sore. I will have several arguments in my head as I hit walls. But I will also celebrate each mile knowing that each step is a step for freedom. It is a step of freedom for me...from the lies I so easily believe about what I can and cannot do and be. But, even better, it is a step for freedom for little girls who have been or are at risk to be trafficked. I pray that it is a step for freedom for the men who are enslaved by the lies that they need what those girls "offer". And for every other person in every other facet of trafficking.

Thank you so much to those of you who have prayed and given. Our team goal was $15,000 and we are currently at $13,240. Pretty dang close. It has been such a joy to see friends and strangers give so generously to a ministry that I love so dearly. I cannot explain to you how much of an honor it is to run under the name of As Our Own and even more so the name of Christ. Aside from His strength, I could not do this. There are lots of things I can "get through" on my own strength...granted it won't be awesome, but I can do it. But this is not one of those things. I would not ever have even dreamed of doing anything like this were it not for the work of Christ and the way He has tied up my heart with little girls in India.

If you want to read more about Parul, the little one we are specifically running for, you can go here. (You can also donate there if you are so lead. ) My memory of this little girl is her silliness. When we were talking about Simon's name being changed to Peter, Mitch had the girls turn their name tags over and write a "nickname" on the back. It was supposed to be a characteristic of them. Jesus saw that Peter would be a rock. The girls were supposed to think along these lines. What is something about you that God might call you? She had one of the house parents write her nickname on her tag. I asked what it meant and he told me it basically translated to "giggles". I loved it. It was the perfect name. She loved to laugh. She always had a smile on her face. I love that girl! Her face is my phone wallpaper. I cannot wait to run for Parul. I cannot hug her sweet neck right now so I will love her the way I can. I will make decisions for her good even when they mean my discomfort.

I will run. For Parul. For As Our Own. For Freedom. For the glory of God.